Pre-Session I

Welcome to the FINAL Pre-Session!!! From here on out it is all new material! YAY!!! And boy do we have some catching up to do!


It's...alive...

It's ALIVE!

IT'S ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And by it, I of course mean me!

Welcome back to the ninth, and long-awaited, installment of "Workout Buddy Needed," where your input matters.

The last month and a half, or however long it's been, has been hell. I've fought two bouts of the dreaded sinus infection. I even had to **GASP** TAKE OFF FROM WORK!!! Then after all that shit went away, my stomach decided to get all flip-floppy on me. I believe I've already mentioned my little trip to the emergency room in the beginning of April. Well, my stomach issues did not end after that. I thought I was eating fine at the time, but my stomach got so used to eating crap for years before that it isn't used to eating the good stuff anymore, so my whole digestive system is going crazy.


I'm starting to feel better now...I've even been drinking prune juice from time to time to get my system back on track (and yes, I know how gross that sounds).




Unfortunately, I haven't been able to stick to the intense workouts I've been doing Since late February. I also haven't been drinking enough water.
This has led to the return of some of my bad eating habits: Snacking on foods I know I shouldn't eat. Eating late-night snacks. You know, the usual. Luckily, I have not started gaining the weight back. In fact, my last Curves weigh-in a week ago showed that I still dropped two pounds, and almost two inches on my body. YAY ME!!!

All this crap, as well as all the other emotional issues going on in my life, has made it almost impossible for me to stay motivated. It's almost like I've been just going through the motions.

Writing this blog is my first step back in the right direction.




This brings me to my newest MINI-GOAL: To get myself back on track, I have to connect with myself on a deeper level than just my health...it will take a deep connection on a mental and spiritual level. So I've decided that my mini goal is to add Yoga back into my life in a regular routine. My goal is to shoot for at least three sessions of yoga a week.

Wish me luck, and don't forget to share your mini-goals and success stories with me and the rest of us!

I have had some time during my sick period to gather my resources. See what could inspire me to write again. And in my spare time, I have read "The Biggest Loser: Success Secrets." I had to fill the void of not having the show on air for the season...

DAMN YOU NBC FOR MAKING SUCH AN ADDICTIVE SHOW!!!



I really enjoyed the book, and could relate to the stories inside it...a lot.

In fact, I really enjoyed chapter 7: "Support or Sabotage? The Powerful Influence of Family and friends."

I have had to deal with sabotage my entire life. Yeah, ok, because of free will, all sabotage in weight loss is really you sabotaging yourself by saying yes to eating and no to working out...but just as it is easy to do the healthy thing when you have supporters, it's a hell of a lot easier to do the wrong thing when you have bad motivators.

While she may not agree, or like me saying this, my mom has been one of my biggest saboteurs. Don't get me wrong. She is a great person, and I love her very much! We usually get along very well...but she also happens to be the kind of person who prides herself on being a good cook...a very good cook.




And how was I supposed to stand up and say "I can't eat that cause it's bad for my body" when I was 10 years old? I'm 22, and it's still hard to look my mom in the eye and say that I don't want to eat her food because I'm afraid it'll be my downfall.

Of course, the sabotage goes beyond her spectacular cooking.

Thanks to my wonderful pediatrician, Dr. Shaw (the bastard), I developed emotional issues about my body at a very early age...and my mom got it in her head that I was already obese long before I ever was. I wonder, if Dr. Shaw didn't ridicule me about my baby fat the way he did, if he didn't convince my mom that I was just a little piggy, would I have had more confidence to be more active with all the other kids my age? Would my mom not have dealt with my weight issues in the way she did?

After years of thought and rage, I believe I've drawn the conclusion that Dr. Shaw is the root of all of my weight issues. I think I really hate the man.




Strong words? Strong issues.

Now, my mom is one of those saboteurs that doesn't know that she is being one. It's not like she meant for me to eat my emotions...but every time she asks me if what I'm about to eat is on my diet...every time she stands in the kitchen watching me prepare a meal or grab a snack...every time she compares her healthy habits to mine (although that last one only happened when I was in high school and junior high), I wanted to eat out of spite.




I wanted to show her that she had no control over my life, but it turns out she was a bigger influence than I realized.

I think over the last year, now that I'm at an age where she has to start taking me seriously, we have made some progress in this emotional area of my life.

The key? Constructive discussion. You can't attack the person. I used to get so angry talking to my mom about my weight issues. She couldn't see past what I'm sure she thought of as just teenage anger fueled by hormones to see that I was really hurting and that I needed her to change in order for the hurt to go away. Now I see that I need to look her directly in the eye and calmly tell her why I need things to be different this time around.

She's getting it. But she still gets a little twitchy during the discussions. She thinks I blame her for my weight. I think she blames herself.
But as I said, in the end, I sabotaged myself.

My point? That everyone out there trying to lose weight, whether it's 5 or 500 pounds, is going to have someone trying to ruin their success. Don't let them. Some of them will do it without even knowing it. Some of them will do it on purpose.



I know the first time I lost a good amount of weight in high school, I had people close to me that were saying really hurtful things about me behind my back, like that I was becoming anorexic, and that I wasn't making a pretty skinny girl...of course I had other people that I could trust to tell me the truth about what was being said. I'm thankful for knowing then, but I let my anger set me back, and I wasn't able to develop good eating and fitness habits before college got a hold of me.

Me and this person, or people, are cool now, but I don't think I'll ever be able to forget how betrayed I felt back then.
"The Biggest Loser: Success Secrets" says that people might act this way out of jealousy, or they could have felt threatened by my weight loss...like I wouldn't treat people the same as my skinnier version.



This makes a lot of sense to me.

So, here's the TOPIC OF THE WEEK:
Let's unleash some pain. Feel free to leave out, or substitute, names. But what story of betrayal do you have in relation to reaching your goals, weight-related or not? What do you think about saboteurs who don't know they are? How about the ones that do? How do you deal with them?

Wanna know how I deal? Check out this week's VIDEO MOMENT:

Workout Buddy Needed Blog Video 9





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And feel free to welcome me back!

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OK gang, hit the showers, and I'll see you next session!
Your Workout Buddy,
Roxy!