Ok class, it's time to break out your vocabulary books! We need to look up some definitions...actually, just one definition...
What is the definition of the word FAT?
What defines FAT in your vocabulary books?
What does FAT mean to you?
(Pause for Dramatic Effect)
Don't worry class. This pop quiz does not count for a grade...for there is no right answer to this question. The meaning is in your own head and heart based on your experience with FAT.
The last week and a half has forced me to re-examine my relationship with FAT over the last 22 years or so.
Don't be a loser, grab a funny pic right now!
I watched the "The Biggest Loser" a couple of days ago, and all of the remaining contestants had cardboard cutouts made of themselves from before they started losing the weight.
What a change!!!
And each contestant had something different to say about their FATter selves. One came to the realization that losing the weight helped him become a better person on the inside. Fitness made him less angry and more open. One came to the realization that she was hiding behind her weight from a sea of emotion and decided she was ready to stop hiding and face her fears. One realized that she had more strength in her than she knew and is ready for the challenge at the finale. The last contestant came to the realization that he is still the same amazing person he always was; just smaller. Now, he can share his fabulous-ness with his family for a longer amount of time, and he can continue to experience their greatness as well.
I keep wondering what my reaction would be to seeing my cardboard cutout a year or so from now...right now, I don't feel I'm far enough away to get a solid reaction. I've felt a lot of different things about myself and my weight since I've been FAT.
So...and I know this can be scary, but let's take a look at the inside of my brain, shall we? Here are the five categories I could come up with for how I, and many others, feel about FAT.
With the exception of the last example, I have been in each of these categories at one time or another.
For some, FAT is FABULOUS. Big is beautiful. Some people are lucky enough to have curves of a goddess and know how to work them. In some countries, the bigger the person, the more power they have. Rent the movie "Phat Girlz." You'll see what I mean.
To get to this category, you have to love yourself...It took me all the way until college to get to this category. Even though I was losing weight in high school, I had so much pressure and negativity coming at me at that time that I couldn't take the time to love myself (no not in the dirty way you perves : ) ). 
That's why I gained back the weight in college. But once you love yourself, all of yourself, it becomes easier to take care of you. Then, you are really ready to lose the weight.
For others, FAT is UGLY. Beauty on the inside is not as important as beauty on the outside, and how could anyone ever know that you're beautiful on the inside if your FATTY outsides block them from seeing your true beauty?(I grew up for many years hating these people, but then I just grew into pitying them because I realized they are so wrong! And now they'll probably never know how amazing I and others they've insulted really are.)
When I started gaining more weight as a teen, I was often told how pretty I would be...if only I was skinny. Nothing like comments made with good intentions to make a person feel crappy.
For some, FAT is COMFORTING. This is just as harmful as seeing FAT as ugly. In this mind set, we turn to FAT to hide from the world. We block the unpleasant feelings of life by indulging in the temporary highs of eating (the sugar rush, the euphoria of chocolate, etc.). Of course, all this indulging leads to greater emotional pain, which just leads to more indulging...it's a vicious cycle.
Oh yeah, I am definitely an emotional eater. I know I eat to silence the pain...which just brings more pain. Now, I try to talk things out with myself and anyone involved. Blame cannot come into a dieting situation because people become too defensive when they think you are trying to blame them for your being FAT.
Bottom line: you made every last decision for what you ate and what activity you didn't do. You have to teach yourself to say NO to bad eating habits and YES to good workout habits before you can teach others to let you say NO and YES.
I have had many conversations over the last couple of years with my own mom about what goes through my head when I eat. What emotional things cause me to overeat. What comments I don't need to hear that I keep on hearing. She recently came to the conclusion that it's her fault I'm FAT...But it's ultimately not, and this led to a whole nother conversation.
Now, as two determined females with summer approaching, we have taken up walking outdoors and stretching weekly together. I hope to come up with a strength training program for my mom to start as well. Helping her get fit inspires me to keep going.
For others, FAT is CHALLENGING. You either accept the challenge to lose it, or you challenge yourself to never get it. This can be harmful and good at different times. Challenging yourself to lose weight when you have the weight to lose is obviously in the good column. However, challenging yourself to lose weight when you shouldn't be losing it, or setting your goal for a weight that is too small can lead to unhealthy dieting habits like anorexia, bulimia, smoking to lose weight, and taking harmful diet pills.
I am definitely in this category right now. Staying motivated is the biggest challenge of all. But I have my Women's Health magazines, my Biggest Loser (for one more episode of the season), my fitness friends on myspace to turn to, and I have my readers...that's you guys!
In fact, if you want to get some more inspiration, check out Taisha Juanita Hayes's myspace page for THayes Fitness. It's a whole myspace page dedicated to fitness. I read an article on her in the latest issue of Women's Health. Her story is truly inspiring.
THayes Fitness MySpace Page!
One tip she has that really makes sense to me: "Don't cheat just to cheat." If you're going to have a cheat day, or just a meal, make sure you're cheating with food you actually crave. I do this once a month with Chinese food.
Finally, for some, FAT is LIFE. Now, what I mean here is that FAT is unavoidable due to medical reasons, such as thyroid issues, and family reasons, meaning genetics.
Luckily, I'm not genetically predisposed to being FAT. I just happen to eat a lot of the wrong things...which I'm working on that right now. My mom has had some thyroid issues that she takes medication for, but my thyroid is normal...so sayeth the doctor!
And who can you trust if not your doc?
I know that FAT, whether I am or not, will always be on my mind. I know what damage I have done to my body because I let FAT take over my life for so long. Some of these damages were brought to my attention not too long ago...
Don't worry class, I'm fine, alive and kickin' harder than ever!
I just need to make sure that vitamins, supplements, and healthy living stay a major part of my life.
Some good news!
I have made it to a weight loss milestone!!! I am super excited and want you all to check out my new "award ceremony" in this week's VIDEO MOMENT:
Workout Buddy Needed Blog Video 8
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So, with all this talk about the big "F-Word," I can't help but wonder what role FAT plays in your lives?
So here's the TOPIC OF THE WEEK:
FAT, your thoughts, your opinions.
If FAT was a being, and you saw it walking down the street, what would you do? With so many overweight people in the world, is FAT still another "4-letter word," or is it more acceptable now like the word "pissed" (thank you to the band Chumbawamba)?
How do you feel about FAT in your life?
This could get ugly, but I want you to be honest. You can't get past the psychological issues FAT can cause until you realize and admit what they are.
UPDATE:
So, it looks like I've broken through another plateau for now. My sinuses are almost completely clear, and I'm losing weight again! I think the little added exercise each day has helped a lot. I'm still falling asleep on my own bed...however, sometimes I fall asleep before I really want to.
My mini-goal this week is to be prepared for bed. This means, washing my face before the initial sleep, not when I wake up in the middle of the night, and sleeping with my night guard in...I gotta protect my teeth more! This should increase the quality of my sleep. I'll let you know!
Don't forget to fill me in on your mini-goals for the week!!!
OK gang, hit the showers, and I'll see you next session!
Your Workout Buddy,
Roxy!
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