Here’s what I learned today, this Black Friday:
1.
If you move at a pace that makes a snail say,
“get out of the way,” you should not be participating in Black Friday IN PERSON.
Please, stay home and make your computer your shopping buddy. Also, consider
Cyber Monday a perfectly fine alternative. Next year, elbows will be thrown.
2.
I should have taken the bus to the
mall(s)…people suck at driving (maybe even at life) when big savings are
involved.
3.
Just because it’s in an ad doesn’t mean that the
store will have it. Oh, not that the item has been sold out before I get there.
Oh no…but that the store didn’t even get the item advertised, causing individuals
(me) to drive to the nearest alternative in a completely different town to find
the desired item.
4.
Hair up. Always wear hair up during the Black
Friday-ocalypse. It is a fact that stores’ temperatures are kept AT LEAST 2,000%
higher than usual in order to fuel panic to shop quickly and move on to the
next store for relief, which would, of course, be just as hot. And YOU will be
a hot mess no matter what.
5.
And your feet will be a hot mess if you choose
cute over comfy…like I did. Yes, my boots with the kick-ass heels made an
awesome sound as I clicked down the apartment store aisles. Sure, my ass looked
great! But my feet were calling me, “bitch,” and not quietly, after the first
two stores. Might be the stupidest choice I made (other than participating in
Black Friday).
6.
The smartest thing I did today was sneak my headphones
into my purse before I left for my morning of shopping “fun” (*cough* *cough*,
nightmare). This allowed me to listen to my awesome music and prevented me from
stabbing people with any of the nearby toys and kitchen utensils I passed while
I waited in the checkout line at Kohl’s FOR ONE WHOLE HOUR. (Let me extend a
thank you to the Foo Fighters, Pink, Taylor Swift, Silversun Pickups, The Vines
and about 20 other bands/artists for all your support).
7.
Just because there is an hour line in front of
you doesn’t mean that a roller coaster is waiting for you at the end of it (I
was very disappointed).
8.
Try to surround yourself with short people when
standing in long lines (this is where the heeled boots came in handy). You make
friends fast when you can tell the people standing in front of you where their
loved ones are in the building looking for them standing in line. You’re
welcome, short people whose names I never acquired.
9.
Back to the cute thing. At least for us single
gals, there is no point in dressing cute for Black Friday shopping. The only
men you will find on Black Friday are married, or with their very young kids.
Aim higher than that. Single (or hiding it better) and no kids (or kids that are
already away at college), ok?
10. And
finally (cause my beer is all gone and I’m sleepy), don’t participate in Black
Friday. Just don’t do it. And if you must do it, just don’t do it anyway…I
didn’t even make it to Victoria’s Secret for the free tote with $65.00 purchase
(wah wah).
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!
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Your Buddy,
Roxy
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